I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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