No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
