I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
