you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
