What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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