He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You've changed since you got that strap on
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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