____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
