Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
