Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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