just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
