dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She even gives head with a lisp.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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