I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
