I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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