just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
