Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
