Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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