i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
