He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
