I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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