So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So much rum. So many feels.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
