i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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