elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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