Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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