It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
