I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
