i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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