I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
