Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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