A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
