Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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