Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
