turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
