You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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