Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
