and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
