we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
where does the pee come out of this thing
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
