My girlfriend figured out who you are.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
