I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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