Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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