I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
