My balls are so social today.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
