I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
