btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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