You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
