Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
