ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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