Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
