you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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