Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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