life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
