Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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