you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
