we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
