very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize