No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
