So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
