I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
