His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
