I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
