is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
