sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
