That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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