If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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