My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
