i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
