I wish I could punch you in the face.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
