Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we're so committed to being not committed
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