Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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