is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
