the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
