i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize