did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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