ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
